Jane Ferguson
After roughly 170 miles and 13 days of walking the Camino de Santiago, I stood in front of the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela. I thought I would know exactly how I’d feel when I arrived, but the truth is, I didn’t.
I had gone into this journey hoping to gain answers to very specific questions in my life. I thought maybe I’d have some sort of life -changing moment the second I arrived in Santiago. Instead, the Camino gave me something much quieter.
It gave me space.
Personally, I didn’t wear headphones during the entire journey. For the majority of those 13 days, I walked alone with my thoughts. That’s exactly what I needed. No distractions. Just around eight hours a day of walking and listening to my own mind.
Why I walked the Camino de Santiago
If you’ve read my previous post, Walking the Camino: Healing Through Grief and Purpose, know that Beef was a big reason why I decided to take this journey.
I was also hoping it would help me work through some grief.
For the first time in a long time, I gave myself permission to think about Beef, my Grandma, and my other pets who have passed on. I cried a lot. In the middle of the forest. Walking along boardwalks. Climbing hills. Sitting on benches. Getting stamps in my Camino passport.
I’ve never allowed myself that much time to sit with my grief.
While I am still grieving just as hard, I am no longer bottling it up like I used to. I’m allowing myself to feel those emotions as they come, and somehow it has helped me ease that existential heaviness I had been carrying around.
I was also searching for purpose.
When I had Beef, for the first time since taking a step back from my Athletic Training career, I felt like I had purpose again. Unfortunately, that feeling quickly faded when he passed away.
Again, I didn’t arrive at the cathedral with everything figured out. But I didn’t arrive leave feeling like I was one step closer.
The Camino Taught Me to Live in the Moment
As I spent hours each day thinking about moving, potentially returning to athletic training, and what I want for the next few years of my life to look like, I realized something.
I am always wishing for the next thing.
I am always looking ahead and rarely appreciating the moment I’m currently in.
While I still may want to make a change someday, I realized how incredibly lucky I’ve been.
I am grateful for the freedom my schedule gives me, even if it means juggling four different jobs. That flexibility alone allowed me to walk the Camino de Santiago in the first place.
I am grateful to live close to my nephew and watch him grow up. I am grateful for the time with my family. I am grateful for the life I’ve built, even if it doesn’t always look exactly like how I imagined it would.
The Camino reminded me to take a step back and live in the moment instead of constantly searching for the next thing.
Learning to Love My Body
One of the biggest lessons I learned on the Camino was to love my body.
As someone who has struggled with body image for most of my life, it was so freakin’ incredible to watch my body get stronger every single day.
I was in pain–and a lot of it.
But every morning, I got up and kept walking.
One foot in front of the other.
Miles upon miles.
Before I knew it, I walked 170 miles across Portugal and Spain.
How incredible is that?
It has completely changed my perspective on my body. Instead of focusing on what it looks like, I started appreciating what it’s capable of doing.
At my heaviest, I’m not saying I couldn’t have completed the Camino, but I think it would have been more harder physically and mentally. Walking those miles showed me a strength I didn’t know I had.
My Portuguese Camino Experience
For anyone curious about the logistics, I walked the Portuguese Camino solo from the end of April through the beginning of May.
- Total Distance: 170 miles.
- Total days walking: 12
- Rest days: 1
- Longest day: 18.6 miles
- Shortest day: 9.7 miles
What Surprised Me Most About Walking the Camino
The thing that surprised me the most was how quickly my body adapted.
Every day–minus the rest day–I was able to walk.
I also found the monotony of the schedule incredibly peaceful.
Wake up.
Walk.
Eat.
Rest.
Repeat.
Knowing that your only responsibility for the day was to take care of yourself and get from Point A to Point B is strangely refreshing.
And then there were the Portuguese people.
Their kindness was incredible.
People would run out of their shops just to wish pilgrims well. Complete strangers cheered us on. The encouragement I received throughout the journey became one of my favorite parts of the Camino.
As a solo female traveler, I had moments before leaving where I was nervous. I was going to another country by myself to walk for two weeks.
But once I started walking, all of that fear disappeared.
I found myself in situations that, in the United States, might have made me nervous. Yet I never once felt unsafe.
Instead, I felt welcomed.
I also got to experience so many beautiful towns and cities that most people have never heard of, each with its own personality, history, and charm.
What I Would Do Differently
I think I rushed.
I wish I had slowed down.
I wish I had stopped at more cafés, sat a little longer, talked to more people.
I spent the majority of my Camino alone, and honestly, I think that’s exactly what I needed this time.
But next time, I’d like to soak it all in a little more .
I’d love to experience the Camino again someday with someone close to me.
Mom and Dad…I’m looking at you.
Did I get What I Needed?
I healed parts of myself and left other parts with more questions than answers.
And that’s okay.
I do think I got what I needed out of this journey, even if it wasn’t;’the What I thought I needed.
It’s still difficult to put into words what this experience meant to me.
There’s something that changes you when you walk those kinds of distances.
Your mental reserve becomes stronger.
So does your body.
And somewhere along the way, you change too, without even realizing it’s happening.
When I returned home, life got busy again. My workload increased, and I quickly fell back into my pre-Camino routine.
But since July arrived and my schedule slowed down, I’ve started taking charge of different aspects of my life again.
Hence why I am finally writing this blog.
I hope to share this experience, inspire others, and encourage anyone who has ever considered walking the Camino de Santiago to take the leap.
I met people of all ages and from all walks of like, each looking for something different from this journey.
And there is something incredibly inspiring about that.
The Camino may not give you all the answers.
But it just might give you exactly what you need.
